Fucking Weird Dream
A couple guys and I ran into a building (can’t quite remember what it was…I think it was Costco LOL) and stabbed all the workers in the head. Dafuq…
A couple guys and I ran into a building (can’t quite remember what it was…I think it was Costco LOL) and stabbed all the workers in the head. Dafuq…
What the fuck I just had a dream that I woke up in bed with Vincent and then he came in my mouth ._______.
Dear God, what the fuck is my real purpose in life? I found out something I wasn’t supposed to and I’m starting to go insane.
I’ve been rolling once every one to three weeks. I think it’s been affecting my speech and memory a bit. I can’t complete my sentences without stuttering sometimes. Goddammit Aashish, stop giving me free drugs LOL.
As time goes by I seem to be feeling more depressed. The only thing I can think of why this is happening is because I have no goals in life which leads to no motivation to work…to even live. People say that these come sooner or later but nothing interests me whatsoever. I was told not worry about this because I was in high school but now that I’m almost done with my first year in college, I’m now starting to worry more about my future which has no path right now (plus I’m at a community college so I have to also transfer out after…). I just can’t seem to figure out what I wanna do with my life. All of my friends know what they wanna do or at least have a major they’re considering. I used to have three things I was always really into throughout my life (computers, astronomy, and video production). All of those interests eventually dissipated during my senior year in high school. I’m afraid of where I’m gonna be after college (if I even graduate) while my friends are gonna be in graduate school or someplace far away. I’ve been starting to think about my life more recently and it’s not helping me at all. My friends told me to just do well on my general ed classes for now and I’ll have time to choose a major but honestly, how the fuck am I supposed to study hard if I have NO motivation? Trust me. It’s easier said than done. Put yourself in my shoes and THEN you can hopelessly attempt to tell me to try in school…
And I know I've said this before but I may have accepted the fact that I’m gay but, I still absolutely fucking hate it which just adds onto my lack of motivation to even try anything because I simply hate myself. Clearly, my parents wasted a shit ton of money on a counselor and psychiatrist that barely helped at all. I’m sorry.
I don’t know why but I got the sudden urge to know what other people around me were thinking about this certain topic so I texted a lot of random people this question, “Do you think people are born gay or do you think it’s a choice?” and here’s what I got.
Jason Lin: I don’t think people are born gay. But I don’t think it’s a choice either. As you grow up, you acquire different preferences and you end up liking whoever you like. You have no control over that, so it’s not a choice. But your upbringing and environment help determine your sexual orientation, so you’re not born gay either.
Rj Sabillo: I think it has to do with being born that way. Some people as kids are into unusual and not so typical things their gender is accustomed to. Which hence forth pre-determines their sexuality. I don’t think it’s the way you’re raised because some gay families have the straightest kids.
Kevin Cherng: It’s a choice
Ryan Zhou: I think it’s predetermined by birth and as people grow up they discover they are gay. I also think from the perspective of someone who is gay, they’re conflicted by whether or not it’s genetic or choice because there really isn’t a definite test for it. It’s also because of the fact that we think we are so conscious of our actions, but in reality there are many unconscious things going on in the brain that we have no control of. And being gay is one of those things. I think it’s like breathing. You automatically breathe but when you realize you’re breathing (as you read this) you can control it, even choose not to. But, obviously you will still have to breathe eventually. You’re born gay, then you become aware of it like you do of breathing. You can try to fight it, but eventually you are what you are. And the sooner you accept it, the happier you’ll be.
Luna Bai: I think it’s a nurture thing. So things that the child experiences as a kid really shapes who they are when they grow up so I honestly think that it’s something in the past that leads them to become that way.
Shannon Fan: I’m not sure and actually curious. But I think people are born attracted to the same sex.
Gina Choi: I used to think gays were born that way but I’ve met a couple gays who chose to be gay. And I’m starting to think it is by choice because being gay can’t really be inherited you know?
Jeremy Pang: I’m not too sure. I have a gay cousin who we all kinda saw from the earliest parts of his life that he was going towards that, but like he even went to church and stuff in high school and prayed that God will change him. But he said nothing happened and he was just like that for his whole life so he accepted it. I think environment and relationships have a lot to do with how a person turns out and some people have a stronger tendency to become gay, but I don’t know if it’s necessarily something people are born with. But the tendencies can be really prominent to some people in a way. I guess I do believe people are not born gay, but that doesn’t mean it’s fully choice because of life experiences and other factors.
Rachel Kang: I think people are born gay or it naturally develops as they grow
Justin Candelaria: I think it’s both man. Some people make the change later on and others feel like that’s how they were born that way.
Sophie Tsai: I think people are born the way they are but they can also be influenced depending on their experiences.
Vincent Tsao: I honestly think you’re not born gay, but I’m not God so I don’t know how it all works. I think it’s a preference. It’s a choice you choose, whether voluntary or involuntary. It can be made up from your childhood environment. It’s a situation where it’s more or less to me how I see it. But hey, I don’t know everything. I can be completely wrong.
Michael Too: I think it’s a born thing, just like how some guys are born and find certain things attractive, but I’m not totally sure.
Alyson Kim: I think born gay.
Max Chen: Born gay of course.
Marisela Flores: I think it would be genetics.
Tim Yun: Dude John you told me people are born gay so I was firm on that haha. Personally, I do because I know you and I know it wasn’t your choice when you were a kid. Well coming from your perspective. But others preferably do it for attention but you know they’re doing it to grab attention.
Mau Pan: I think it’s a choice but for some people they might just be born gay.
Andrea Laureola: Peoples’ choice and what changes them. It’s something that attracts their attention of the same sex and realize it from the start later on.
William Liu: I think people are all inherently bi (some people more straight and some people more gay) but because of family and society and everything you’re exposed to throughout your life, people subconsciously suppress their gay side. It’s all psychological.
Debbie Pan: I think it comes naturally. If it was a choice you could easily choose but if you can’t get away from it, then I believe that it’s just natural.
Shannon Rush: I don’t wanna say someone is born gay because it takes some people years to realize it. But it’s not a choice because you can’t just choose to love someone. It’s a feeling.
Vincent Dao: Some people say it’s by influence but I don’t think so since I grew up with a cousin that was gay. I think people are born with it.
Michelle Cheng: I think it’s both. Like genes and environment both have an impact.
Samantha Wang: I feel like they were born that way because like people grow up with different interest y'know? It’s different for everyone though because I had friends who were bi-curious, but later on realized they’re gay.
Yuli Kim: Well, I honestly don’t know. But if I had to choose, I’d lean more towards born.
Justin Chiou: I think some people are born like that but others have a choice.
Lauren Ju: I think it’s by birth. To be honest and I mean in no way to be offensive, I don’t think anyone would choose to be an orientation that is hard to accept. No one chooses to go against societies’ norm. Those church people who are like ohh it’s a choice and stuff, that’s bullshit. If God didn’t like it, it wouldn’t have existed in the first place.
Ann Sung: I think it’s a choice or it’s from their environment.
Christine Song: Born.
Chris Hong: I believe that it’s by choice. It’s not destiny or fate right? It’s by choice if you want to be or not.
Rachel Chen: It’s scientifically proven that people are born gay but I believe it can be a choice since things in peoples’ past can affect them. However, it’s hard to change if naturally a guy is attracted to another guy just like if any straight person is attracted to the opposite sex so my answer would be born gay.
Jimmy Jeong: From my opinion, I think it’s both but more rather on the side of being born gay.
Janet Kung: A friend told me that are genetically born gay, but personally, I do not know. But I do know that we were all born as sinners, whether we are liars, murderers, adulterers, and some may even be gay. But I do know that we have a choice. We are all born in a certain way; either good or bad. But it’s our decision to be bad or good.
Michelle Lee: I think it’s more of a preference so I guess that’s choice. But at the same time, if it is preference it’s not something someone can persuade you to like, it’s more like a personal preference because if you are easily persuaded that you’re not gay then you’re not fully gay. You’re just bi or bi-curious.
Jackie Ballesteros: I’ve been wondering the same thing but I’m not sure. I feel like people become gay but I don’t know.
Jinjin Chung: I believe people are both born gay and think it’s a choice.
October 17, Benson and I decided both decided to break up. I guess it isn’t exactly bad terms but I kinda wish we had time for each other and that incident happen. We were supposed to go to Disneyland together in December -_-sigh…
I should have left in the morning when I woke up but instead I stayed and got you caught up by your grandma who then told your mom. Now I’m never allowed at your house and you can’t go out in general for God knows how long. I’m honestly scared for our relationship. Of course your mom would eventually loosen up and let you go out, but even if we’re together away from home, just knowing the fact that your mom doesn’t want me near you ruins part of our relationship. I love you so much and I hope we’ll find a way to keep this relationship strong and healthy.